62: Lyn Bishop on Freeing Yourself from Unhealthy & Disrespectful Relationships

   

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Lyn Bishop, Mentorship Coach, Artist & Farmer, shares specific steps you can take to bring BOTH more Confidence and more Respect throughout each aspect of your life. Host Mike Domitrz dives into an intriguing conversation with Lyn throughout this interview.

This conversation will reveal how corporate America can fall into the traps of dis-respect and identity what you can do for yourself every day. Did you know Cocoa (chocolate) has sacred beginnings? Lyn shares a simple recipe for a chocolate treat that is super healthy for you!!

 

LINKS TO LYN:

 

BOOKS LYN RECOMMENDS:

 

YOUR HOST: Mike Domitrz is the founder of The Center for Respect where he helps educational institutions, the US Military and businesses of all sizes create a culture of respect throughout their organizations. From addressing consent to helping corporations build a workplace free from fear (reducing sexual harassment and helping employees thrive by treating them with respect every day), Domitrz engages audiences by sharing skill sets they can implement into their lives immediately. As an author, trainer, keynote speaker and coach, Mike Domitrz loves working with leaders at all levels. Learn more at http://www.CenterForRespect.com

 

READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPTION of the EPISODE HERE (or download the pdf):

 

Mike Domitrz:
Welcome to The RESPECT Podcast. I’m your host Mike Domitrz from MikeSpeaks.com where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions, and the U.S. Military create a culture of respect and, respect is exactly what we discuss on this show. Let’s get started. I want to dive right in. This week’s guest is Lyn Bishop. Lyn works with amazing people who secretly fear they’re not enough. She helps them embody confidence to live the successful, vibrant life they crave. Welcome, Lyn, to the show.

Lyn Bishop:
Thanks, Mike. It’s great to be here.

Mike Domitrz:
Absolutely. To help all of our listeners, what’s your backstory? When did you realize that self-love and respect were lacking in your own life to take you on the journey you’ve been on?

Lyn Bishop:
That is such a great question. You know, I think so many of us have these times in our life where we’re just not having the confidence and the impact that we want in our life. For me, it started early in childhood through some traumatic experiences that set me up to not have that respect for my own self. I know your back story and I know why you come to the work that you’re doing. I really want to thank you for that. I was molested as a child and that is the main cause of not having my own self-respect. That’s something that stayed with me through much of my corporate life. It wasn’t until I really got clear that I needed to heal that that I was able to step into the respect for myself.

Mike Domitrz:
Well, I want thank you first of all for sharing. That takes courage and strength in of itself. Thank you, Lyn, for that. How did you identify that discovery, you know, that this was with me, that this was part of what had impacted my understanding of self-love and respect?

Lyn Bishop:
Oh my gosh. Well, you know, I look back on my life and mid career I saw myself as if I had already healed this big wound, but the reality was I had only pushed it further down. I’m like, “Oh, I’ve dealt with that,” but the reality was I had never even dealt with it. It wasn’t until things just weren’t working in my life. Honestly, it wasn’t until I attracted an abusive relationship, which I never expected myself to have. I attracted this and it became my biggest life lesson in stepping into being respected, being respected, respecting others, and most importantly, respecting myself.

Mike Domitrz:
Do you think what… You used the word you attracted this relationship. I know some people could pause and go, “I don’t want her self-blaming,” and I want to like you explain that language because people… The version you’re describing, attracting that relationship, it doesn’t have to be an intimate one. It could be a work relationship that’s abusive. It could be a friendship that’s abusive. Could you explain how that’s not a victim blaming statement when you say attracted?

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah. Okay. That is a really good question. Here’s the thing, oftentimes we are operating from our subconscious. These things that we’re doing are on automatic pilot. If you have been abused in your life, if you’ve had trauma that is really deep and profound, a lot of times it is so well hidden within you that it is operating from a basis of your subconscious, instead of being something that you really see and look at and understand on a logical level. If we think about that, because we were disrespected in our past, it’s very easy for us to accept that disrespect because it’s almost a form of staying safe, as crazy as that sounds, because we know it. We know what to expect. We know how to guard ourselves on this really crazy subconscious level.

Lyn Bishop:
I think that for most of my life I was sailing through doing just fine thinking, “Oh, I’ve got this,” but it wasn’t until I really had this person in my life. I attracted it, I believe, as a way of stepping into the deeper healing and the deeper letting go of that subconscious trauma and bringing it to the surface and being able to really release it. Did that makes sense?

Mike Domitrz:
Yes. Just a recall for myself, I’m trying to make sure I am understanding it. I want to make sure I present it correctly. That painful process helped you in the freeing of all the past, not just that painful relationship.

Lyn Bishop:
Absolutely, yes. That painful relationship was the catapult really to releasing all of that past trauma.

Mike Domitrz:
Yeah, that makes complete sense. That created the red flag for you as people like to use that language or in some way people will call it a trigger, but that’s a life trigger that says something needs to change here. You mentioned Corporate America. Was it showing up in your work? Were you working in a large company?

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah, I was working in a large company, and I was working on multimillion dollar accounts in Japan. For those of you who understand the Japanese work culture and being a woman, there is this kind of a disregard almost. It becomes quite cultural and you think that it’s normal. But again, not having that self confidence allowed those relationships to become even more unbalanced.

Mike Domitrz:
Could you give some specific ways that that can show itself? Just so for listeners listening they can go, “Oh, I’m in that situation because I can identify with that example.”

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah. You know, this is, going to sound a little trivial, but in that example, a woman would… Even in an engineering position, a high level position, a woman would be the one who would make tea for all the men. Even though she had something very valuable to contribute to the meeting, she would be excused and go make tea for everybody else.

Mike Domitrz:
It’s an example that can happen in today’s America’s corporate atmosphere of who’s getting the coffee?

Lyn Bishop:
Exactly.

Mike Domitrz:
Those differences can show themselves, so that makes a lot of sense. Thank you for sharing that specific example. You went from this place of discovery and freeing to being able to own that confidence and respect. What were steps that were key for you along the way?

Lyn Bishop:
Oh boy. Well, first of all, it’s just that aha moment like this has to happen. This needs to change. Something has to change. It was that straw that broke the camel’s back and really extracting myself from that relationship. Then I’d say it was really a process of embracing my own self-love. I know that’s a term that gets thrown around a lot these days, but I believe that it is the foundation for us living a respectful life, not only for ourselves, but being respectful for everyone else around us. Because when we have that level of self-love, there becomes these boundaries that are so important to us that we’re not going to let anybody else cross them. I don’t mean that in a really negative way.

Lyn Bishop:
It’s just a way of honoring ourselves at such a high level. This is really what the foundation is. I think it’s really learning to love yourself, appreciate yourself, have the gratitude for yourself, cultivating those type of activities that allows you to fill your own cup to overflowing so that you can shine your greatest light out to everyone else around you. That’s respect.

Mike Domitrz:
Absolutely. It’s the key to respecting yourself is being compassionate to yourself, seeing yourself for the joy and wonder it is. You know, when we ask people what does respect mean, the one phrase that I hear the most often around the world is to be seen for exactly who I am and to be valued in that moment of being seen. I love that you share that. What are some specific steps that people can take to help build more self-love for themselves?

Lyn Bishop:
Great question. I think one of the biggest things is to give yourself a daily practice. What I mean by that is find time for yourself every day, non-negotiable time for yourself, even if it’s only 10 minutes, even if it’s only three minutes. It’s a time when you get to recenter, when you get to call all of your scattered pieces of yourself back home to your heart space. It could include things like meditation. It could just be quietly reading. It could be a yoga practice. It could be walking in nature, whatever it is that you find joy in that you can do by yourself to refuel your own sense of self-love. That’s the key.

Mike Domitrz:
For you, Lyn, is there a particular practice that that you really… If you get to do that, your day just starts on the note you want to be in?

Lyn Bishop:
I actually live on a farm in Panama and the birds are incredible here. Every morning I start my day by going outside, sitting on the terrace, and doing some type of a meditation for either three to 20 minutes. I allow myself to really feel the wonder, the gratitude, the joy of life around me, and that sets up my day so that I’m stepping forward being my very best, instead of like being stressed out. Even people who are living a busy life, I think everyone can take five minutes just to give themselves that extra daily practice in doing something that really brings them back home to themselves.

Mike Domitrz:
Yes. For me, it’s… I live on water and so for me it’s to go out on my kayak, and there’s like no one on the water when I’m out there in the morning, and actually meditate in the kayak. Take like 20 minutes where it’s just you and the… It’s just a place of peace and serenity. I know because some people are going, “Yeah, but I don’t live on water. I don’t live on a farm.” It could be a house in your room that you can find tranquility and quiet space in. It could be just sitting outside in a park. Maybe you don’t have that in your house. There’s chaos. You have little kids. You have everything. It’s going to a park down the street, but what a difference it can make.

Mike Domitrz:
I think that’s so important you bring that up. Thank you so much for that. You talk about helping others do this. Lyn, what do you do now? Is it directly as a coach? Are you working with people or as a consultant?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, that’s a great question too because I wear several hats. What my passion is is to bring people into a sustainable life. I use the word sustainable because I am the steward here on 16 acres. I grow organic food. I really love to cultivate things. In addition to my farm hat that I wear, I do wear a mentorship hat where I help people find that confidence to live that successful and vibrant life. It sounds like it’s so hard, but honestly, there are just a few steps that we need to take. Besides the daily practice, I’m going to say it’s showing up for yourself every single day in some way, big or small. This is how I help my clients. I help them, you know, become accountable to themselves really through a series of different activities that we do together.

Mike Domitrz:
One or a few people might be going, “So what’s your title?? Do you have a title for yourself?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, I call myself a mentorship coach or a mindset mentor or something of that nature, but I also call myself an artist and a farmer.

Mike Domitrz:
Honestly, before we talked, I had it down as artist. I knew you did mentoring, so I knew that, but I knew you as this artist also from what I had learned. Have you always been in art? Did that come later and has this journey shown in your art?

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah. Prior to moving to Panama, in my professional life, I was working in the graphic design industry and also dabbling in fine art and had a pretty successful fine art career I guess you could say. Moving to Panama really switched that up and it became less about me producing art for the masses or for collectors and becoming in tune with creating art here on the land. A lot of the art that I do now is earth art, where I use material that I find here on the harm, including flowers and plants, leaves, sticks, rocks, crystals, those kinds of things. I build mandalas that are temporary and those become meditation spaces. It all kind of focuses in on that inner healing.

Lyn Bishop:
I love bringing my clients to the farm here where we actually get to do intensive work to release trauma, clear hidden and trapped emotions, and use this creative space as a way to move through these deeper issues.

Mike Domitrz:
That’s beautiful. Why do you feel so many are struggling to find confidence and respect in their lives?

Lyn Bishop:
I don’t think that we teach people at a young age how to love themselves or have respect for themselves. We’re told to please others and I think it’s important that we have good manners and that we are able to work with others as well. But if we’re always sacrificing ourselves for the good of everyone else, we’re not able to fill our own cup. That is when our cup is full and when we are actually understanding ourselves from a place of love and compassion, then we really understand ourselves, and we know what our mojo is. We know what we’re good at. We recognize our talents, and then we can really shine our light and be of even greater service out in the world.

Mike Domitrz:
What part of the journey when it came… You’re farming now?

Lyn Bishop:
I am.

Mike Domitrz:
Yeah. We have farmers in the family and that’s a job you have to be present for, right? You can’t just walk away from. How has that impacted your work? How did you get to that place? Like what took you into farming?

Lyn Bishop:
Yes, accidental. It was actually an accidental journey. I never had the intention to be a farmer. But being here in Latin America and just being surrounded by the richness of nature and being interested in permaculture principles really created that desire in me. I’m going to be really honest. It’s chocolate. Chocolate is one of the things that made me so desirous of being a farmer because chocolate is medicine. Chocolate is… It opens our heart. As we do this work, being able to do it with an open heart makes it so much more effective. I am the steward of about 150 cocoa trees, and I cultivate chocolate here on the farm and do it organically and naturally and sustainably. I believe that chocolate is the key to all of it.

Mike Domitrz:
Okay. I love this. First of all, I’ve never heard it pronounced cocoa before. I always thought I was cocoa, so that’s cool to know. I put it in my smoothie every morning. I put a teaspoon of cocoa powder in the actual smoothie. I’m a big fan. If I’m understanding right, you actually liked it so much you’re like, “I want to grow it.”

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah. I mean, I found it to be such a powerful medicine. There’s a lot of medicine that grows naturally in Panama, in the tropics. I kind of feel like I’m living in a pharmacy and cocoa is one of the most powerful medicines. You know, it’s so wonderful to talk with the elders around here and hear the stories of the sacredness of the plant and how it was used in the mountains as heart opening medicine to really connect deeper with our inner self.

Mike Domitrz:
This is awesome because I can hear a lot of people thinking, “I can eat chocolate and know it’s a sacred, wonderful experience.” Now, the chocolate you’re referring to though is a pure chocolate. It’s not candy bars. It’s not just sugar loaded. When you say that it’s sacred, what is the history? What would be too much, right? What’s good use of cocoa versus unhealthy use?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, usually when we do a chocolate ceremony, what we’re working with is a lightly toasted bean that has been ground into almost a liquid form, but not quite. Then we’re adding that to let’s say some warm sugarcane juice, which just makes it super delicious or even just a little bit of sugar water in sugar boiled. Then we’re adding a little bit of cayenne pepper and a little bit of cinnamon perhaps. The cayenne pepper helps to open our veins in a faster way so that the cocoa can really flow through us faster. Usually we’ll have one cup and that cup of cocoa may have about anywhere between 15 and 40 grams of pure chocolate in it. That’s where we’re getting our ceremonial dose from.

Lyn Bishop:
A 15 gram dosage is more of a homeopathic dose for somebody who might be really sensitive to caffeine or stimulants. A 40 gram dose is something that’s much more potent and really opening up our heart space and is a full ceremonial dosage.

Mike Domitrz:
I love this. I was not planning on having a farming conversation on cocoa, so this is awesome. Thank you for sharing that with our listeners. That’s so powerful. I’m going to go back a little bit here because I want to make sure we get through a few things that I know are important to you and that is we talked about respect. Why do you believe setting intention is so important and what do you mean by it?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, the intention is the magic that leads us into action. For instance, last night was the new moon and I work a lot with the lunar cycles because if we think about the earth and we think about farming, we think about sustainability, things are controlled by those lunar cycles, our tides, the rising and setting of the sun and the seasonal cycles. But intention, especially when it’s set using the lunar cycles, becomes a really powerful way to move into that manifestation. When I’m talking about setting intentions, I really love people to go into it as if what they want has already been manifested. That could be seeing yourself in that fully completed project. What does it feel like? Like really feel it inside you.

Lyn Bishop:
What are you wearing when it’s completed? Who is surrounding you? And to really like put it into that absolute visual sensory space. That actually creates these dopamines and serotonins in us that our bodies think we have actually achieved it. From there, we get this big push to actually set inspired action, take inspired action to manifest that which we intend.

Mike Domitrz:
Awesome. What do you think is the biggest challenge for people to even get to this place, to start cultivating respect in their lives?

Lyn Bishop:
I think it really comes down to taking the time to get to know themselves. I think our life is so busy, there’s so much to do, there’s so much push, there’s so much desire to have the career, the job, the house, the car, the clothes, that we lose sight of who we really are inside. It’s when we can reconnect to our authentic essence, that’s when the real magic happens I think.

Mike Domitrz:
I love the fact that, I don’t know if you know, but as you were saying that beautiful statement, the birds are singing behind you. That’s just natural music scoring your discussion. That was cool. What are some of the successes you’ve seen in people once they have allowed respect in their life? People you’ve coached, you’ve worked with, what have been some of the impact and results?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, I work with a lot of entrepreneurs and people that have really wanted to shine their light by starting a business, but having that fear of being seen, of putting themselves out there. The fear of judgment. The fear of rejection. What I’ve seen them is build really successful businesses after we’ve worked together. They have found their home base inside of them and really confirmed those gifts and talents in a way that they see the value of themselves and of their talents so that they have so much more confidence to actually start that business.

Mike Domitrz:
That’s what so many people need to get over that hurdle. That becomes such a critical part. It’s not that they don’t know how or are able to, it’s just believing they can fight through the struggle to get there.

Lyn Bishop:
Yeah, and I don’t even like to use the word fight. I like to just, you know, to move through the fear of being seen, being judged of the rejection, and getting to that place where it doesn’t matter what other people think. You’re not trying to change the whole world. What you’re trying to change are those people who resonate with you that can really understand your message and that want to be a part of that movement.

Mike Domitrz:
I love it. By the way, thanks for calling out the word fighting because it’s a word that I don’t like to use either. The fact you called me on it, I love that. Thank you. You recommend a book called One-Straw Revolution by Masanobu Fukuoka I believe is the pronunciation. Why that book?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, you know, we had this conversation about sustainability, right, and growing cocoa and how cocoa opens our hearts. Why I love this book so much is because it is a very holistic book about growing without all these extra inputs. It’s just growing the tree. It’s not about putting a bunch of fertilizer on the tree. It’s not about pruning it or adding this or adding that. It is about letting the tree find its own authentic essence and be itself. I just want to share one of the quotes from him because I think this really sums it up. He says in his book the One-Straw Revolution, “The ultimate goal of farming is not the growing of crops, but the cultivation and perfection of human beings.”

Mike Domitrz:
That’s gorgeous. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing that, Lyn. How can people get ahold of you if they want to come out and have this experience with you, learn from you, or just reach out to you? What’s the best way?

Lyn Bishop:
Well, my email is Lyn, L-Y-N-,@lynbishop.com. I have a YouTube channel. I have an Instagram. Instagram is a great way to reach out to me. I think you’re going to add those-

Mike Domitrz:
We do.

Lyn Bishop:
…links and Facebook as well.

Mike Domitrz:
Yes, we have all those links in the show notes for the listeners.

Lyn Bishop:
Absolutely. Just reach out with a personal note. I absolutely would love to invite anybody into a virtual coffee for 15 minutes and just talk about anything that we discussed today, whether it be cocoa, whether it be confidence, whether it be, you know, getting through trauma and removing trapped emotions. I love talking about all of this.

Mike Domitrz:
Well, this has been a powerful and fun conversation, so thank you so much for joining us today, Lyn.

Lyn Bishop:
Oh, thank you, Mike. It’s been my pleasure.

Mike Domitrz:
Absolutely. For listeners, you know what’s kind of next? That is the question of the week. Before I answer this week’s question of the week, I’d love to ask you a question. Would you please subscribe to this podcast, The RESPECT Podcast with Mike Domitrz? By subscribing, you can make a huge impact. Now, you might be wondering, “Mike, how does my subscribing to your podcast make a huge impact?” Well, here’s how, for every person that subscribes, it raises the rankings of the show in the search engines. For people who care about respect, like yourself, when they’re doing a search for podcast, they’re more likely to find this show, thus providing an awesome opportunity for us to spread more respect around this world.

Mike Domitrz:
All you do is hit subscribe under your podcast. Plus, the second benefit is by subscribing, you automatically get every episode right into your phone or whatever device you are listening to the podcast on. It happens automatically, so subscribing also makes your life easier. Now, let’s get into this week’s question of the week. Oh, and by the way, you can always ask your questions of the week by joining us on Facebook in our discussion group. It’s called The RESPECT Podcast Discussion Group. Go there on Facebook and ask whatever questions you would like me to answer and or address in this segment of the show. Then listen to each episode to find out when your question is included.

Mike Domitrz:
The question is, Mike, where do you come up with the design concept for your new logo for the Center for Respect? Well, this was a very personal mission for me. When I knew we were going to change the name of our organization to the Center for Respect, I wanted to personally dive into this element because I knew wherever I was going to go, it was going to represent me and our organization. I started doing the search under symbolism of respect. We came up with a circle, and then I went a little deeper of circle and respect, and we came up with the triskelion. That’s the name of what our logo looks like. Now, if you go to centerforespect.com, you can see it there. You can also see it on the show notes here at the podcast, and you’ll see it and it’s got three mini circles within the circle.

Mike Domitrz:
Now, this is what I love so much. Those three circles and the triskelion itself represent forward progress. Sometimes over the history, they’ve represented revolution. About forward progress. That’s what we really love because what you’ll find with the history of the triskelion as a symbol itself was that it’s been used many different ways by many different people in groups over history. The possibilities can really be customized and tailored for how you want to use it. We love the idea of three forces moving us forward. At the center, we customized our triskelion to fit us. At the center, we have a circle all by itself there in the center. Well, that’s the foundation of respect at the center.

Mike Domitrz:
Then you add the three energy sources coming out, the three circular shapes coming out of that circle. For us, at the Center of Respect, that is dignity, empathy and mutuality. The outer circle that connects all of it together, that is the ongoing process of transformation for us and those we serve. That’s what we love about this symbol. It is so in alignment with what we believe in at the Center of Respect. I hope you’ll check it out at centerforrespect.com. Do you know what I would love? I would love to hear your answer to this week’s question of the week. Would you please answer what your answer would have been if you were asked that question today on the show. All you do is go to our Facebook page.

Mike Domitrz:
We have a special group where we have these discussions called The RESPECT Podcast Discussion Group, so The RESPECT Podcast Discussion Group, and share with us what would your answer have been to this week’s question of the week. If you take a moment, post us a new question for future episodes. What question would you like to hear me answer on an upcoming episode? That’s all done on Facebook in our special group, which is led The RESPECT Podcast Discussion Group. Can’t wait to see you there.

Mike Domitrz:
Thank you for joining us in this episode of The RESPECT Podcast, exploring work, love and life. This episode, like every episode, is brought to you by our organization, The Center for Respect, which you can find at centerforrespect.com. Of course, you can find me, your host, Mike Domitrz at MikeSpeaks.com. Thank you so much for joining us.

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