“What do you want – all gender roles to be eliminated?” asked a person who identified as a middle-age, heterosexual male attending one of my programs addressing the transformation of our culture to one based on respect and consent.
What if gender roles were eliminated? What would society look like? What would relationships look like?
In a Relationship
Sexual intimacy would be free to be whatever the two of you mutually agree to experience together. Both partners could be sexually confident and expressive without fear of judgment based on one’s gender. No one person has a role to be the pleaser or to more frequently be the receiver.
Responsibilities around the home are not dictated by tradition. Maybe you choose to do everything equally. Or maybe the two of you choose based on who is better at, enjoys, and/or has more time to: manage finances, clean the kitchen, vacuum, do the laundry, mow the lawn, etc…
Who drives the kids to school and/or manages the family calendar? Talk about it and choose based on the lifestyle the two of you choose to live.
No one worries about WHO is making more money or which person has the more important title. Instead, the couple focuses on the combined financial outlook.
What about before you are in a committed relationship – when you are dating? Early on, have fun discussing this topic with your date. Sincerely and with genuine intrigue, ask, “How do you view traditional gender roles in relationships?”
If the person says they really love traditional gender roles, ask, “Are you open to being with someone who doesn’t follow those gender roles?”
Give an example:
With a fun and positive tone, share, “A lot of people in heterosexual relationships assume it is the male’s role to pay for the date. To me, that seems silly that either person would pay for the other. We are both going out to have a great time. It is certainly not your job to pay for me choosing to go out with you. We could easily both pay our own way and take the whole ‘who pays’ out of the equation.”
If your partner says, “Well I really love treating my partner to a night out,” you could follow up with, “I can certainly understand wanting to do that. Would you be cool with me paying the next time – so I can have the same joy of doing that for you?”
When two people sit down and choose what roles each will have going forward or if they want to follow any roles at all, the couple mutually builds their future based on equality of choice. Could the end result look like a very traditional gender role relationship? Sure that outcome is possible – based on what they choose together.
Choosing your lifestyle verse feeling you must fulfill a predetermined lifestyle is the difference between being imprisoned in roles verse being free to be you.
What would the long-term impact be on society? Generations of children would grow up not knowing of gender roles and only know relationships as a place of two people choosing their lifestyle together.
Imagine the impact such a cultural transformation could have on all areas of society.