Focusing on “Don’t Rape” is not effective sexual assault prevention education.

September 17, 2026

Recently, I’m seeing the below meme image everywhere on social meda. It is PROBLEMATIC.

I absolutely agree that trying to tell women what not to wear or do is 100% the wrong approach to sexual assault prevention. Nothing the survivor does causes sexual assault. Nothing. I can’t stress that enough.

We live in a country that prides itself on FREEDOM. Women (or anyone) should not have to give up the freedom to choose what they want to wear, if they can get drunk (like men do freely), and so on. Oh and all genders can be assaulted.

The second part of this message is the truly problematic part. It is a “Do Not” lesson. This has never worked.

You want effective education? Teach WHAT TO DO.

Teaching what “NOT TO DO” has never worked with any major issue. It is insulting to most audiences. Walk into a school assembly or a military briefing and say, “Hey, men, stop committing rape” and see how fast everyone STOPS listening to you. What happens is everyone feels like you are calling them rapists and thus the reason they shut you out.

With this specific meme below, the line is “teaching men one thing: Do not touch people without consent.”

Here is the part most people get WRONG.

The far majority of the time he/she/they who did the touching DID think they had consent. They assumed they had consent. That DOES not absolve them of the fact they didn’t and that they need to be held responsible for what they have done.

Talk with any Title IX professional (high school or college). Talk with any military legal professional. They will all tell you how almost always the person believed they had consent even though they DID NOT!!

So what do we need to do?

Many of our schools and education systems have done a horrible job of proactively teaching consent in a way young people connect to and see as reasonable. Too many schools think like this meme that “we teach them what consent is. They know that.” No they don’t really understand consent. They were taught the theory of it without the skills needed.

Want real change? When teaching consent, ask questions that help people see the faults of how they’ve been taught to pursue sexual activity. Help them see the need for change within themselves. THEN provide the healthy alternative in a way they can see themselves actually engaging such as: Ask First. Respect the Answer.

Most people truly want to do the right thing. How do we know this? Over 95% of students said they are more likely to ask after attending the “SAFER Choices” Student Assembly where they are given the SKILLS to truly practice asking for consent as a way of life.

How about we start teaching HOW TO do the right thing: ASK FIRST. RESPECT THE ANSWER.

About Mike Domitrz

Mike Domitrz is a Hall-of-Fame Speaker, author, subject matter expert, and founder of The Center for Respect who helps organizations, schools, and the military build cultures rooted in consent, respect, honoring boundaries, bystander intervention, sexual assault prevention, and healthy relationships. For over 30 years, he has equipped audiences of all ages with practical, real-world tools. Known as one of the first pioneers on teaching consent in the early 1990s, his “Ask First & Respect the Answer” philosophy to consent has spread throughout the world. Mike transforms how people engage with each other, stand up for each other, and raise their own standards.

Why does Mike have such a deep passion? For Mike, this work is personal. In 1989, he received a phone call that the youngest of his sisters had been sexually assaulted. That moment would change their lives and a year later Mike discovered a way he could try to make a positive impact – by speaking in schools.

Focusing on “Don’t Rape” is not effective sexual assault prevention education.

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